pencil shavings

Bloody insurance policies. I hate them. I hate how I have to pay till 2075, till I'm a stinking 98 years old! I hate to put a monetary value to a life - that it puts loved ones in the awkward position of benefiting from a death. I hate that I don't understand it at all, that every month, 15% of my salary is poured into this unending hole that never gives back. I'll never get anything back. I hate insurance agents who don't explain things properly, hate it that my dad can't explain squat to me even though it was him who put my whole family in this mess, hate it that my mum never got anything for lupus but as to keep paying like 5000 a year until she dies. I don't want to benefit from their deaths! As long as I can support myself, my parents are comfortably well-off, and I have no dependents, let a death be what it merely is, a dreadful loss.

I am irritated. I don't know why no one can explain things to me. Just brought my policies down to my colleagues at the accounts department cos they said they knew how to read policies, but they admitted that either mine is a really lousy policy or that they didn't know how to read it. I am never going to be able to afford a home of my own :(

I understand the need for insurance for permanent disability or sickness, for what the secular world call "acts of god". I understand saving plans, and endowment plans. It is life insurance that throws me off. And that is apprently what I have. (or at least one of the unknown number that I have) I hate it!!

Why is lodging so expensive? Do you realise that I cannot afford a roof over my head, and the expenses that come along with it? Do you know that I am not on a salary scale, that I could possibly be earning this amount, doing the same things, for the rest of my life? But that is my own fault, my own lack of ambition.

I am punching the keyboard furiously, hopeing that somehow this will alleviate the irritation.