The cleaner's last day is today. Why am I sad? She only worked here for a few months; I don't even know her name; but I am sad - perhaps for opportunities lost.
Friday, October 29, 2004
last day
is the cloud lifting?
I spent the last four days seething with anger and inertia in my office chair. I got pissed with everything. The director put me in charge of planning the event but after I sent in a proposal to the boss, the boss went back to him instead and he is therefore taking over the planning of the major stuff for the event, leaving me with the crap work (like hanging up balloons and doing backup projection work). Why put me in charge in the first place? I can play my role as invisible office girl sold into cheap servitude very well without having the blame if anything goes wrong, thank you very much.
And so on and so forth. No staff welfare, no advancement, pay freeze, an organisation that give me all the responsibility without the pay - all of it made my blood boil. (What happens when you boil blood anyway? What do you get left when the liquid evaporates? A thought..)
In any case, I'm feeling better today. It makes me wonder about the validity of my emotions, but I'm sure glad to be rid of the cumbersome paralysing burden. Perhaps it is Friday? Gosh that makes me feel so cheap. Perhaps it is the coffee? Who knows? The inscrutable mind..
I would like to write a novel. November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). It's way cool. You start on Nov 1 and finish on Nov 30, hopefully with 50,000 words written. The people at NaNoWriMo say it is quantity that matters, not quality! How cool is that? But I have no plot... Fiction is tough cos you need a plot. I could bull forever on a non-fiction topic, thanks to the premium education I received in college. But fiction? A whole different ball game.
Alternatively, I could write my life story and disguise it as fiction. I would be happy to do that, but I don't think I'm at the point of my life where I'm ready to come to grips with who I am as a person, and "expose" myself to the world. (Then again, who will read it?) I'm a little too old to be uncomfortable with who I am, but what can I do about it? The scary thing is, the older I get, the less I like myself. What a pain. I'm looking forward to being an extremely bitchy 80-year old ah-ma.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
The Belly Rules
From my recent posts, it is quite plain that at work I am all stomach, no brain. Come 8:30am on a regular workday, my stomach takes over the helm, relegating the brain, heart, lungs, liver, and nameless kway chap bits to mindless manual labour. The arrangement works quite well for everyone actually - everyone likes mindless manual labour - and the only real inconvenience is stopping whatever you're doing to yell, "All hail the bwelly!" every fifteen minutes when the dictator growls.
And how well the dictator growls. It begins with a low rumble, deep and indistinct in the furthermost parts, and slowly rises and ripples with power and persuasion in a final roar. Who has heard and not obeyed? And what speed, co-ordination and grace the body displays when he growls!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
believe it or not..
i went downstairs to get a document from the admin department and when I came up again, what do i see sitting in front of my computer screen? one original old-fashioned curry puff!
(and I have a pic to prove it)
i kid you not. this is the stuff that makes people believe in God. okay, i'm kidding about that.
Oats
Does anyone know how to cook oats?
I just had some half-past-six oats for breakfast - runny, sweet and milky. It left me craving for a wholesome AMK curry puff. Now, what's the point of making and eating oats if it only leaves you with a curry puff craving? (for the uninitiated, a curry puff is a deep fried pastry with curried potato, chicken and egg.)
see picture
see list - (AMK came in 4th in this curry puff list but I still think it rocks big time.)
Crud. Now I really want a curry puff.
(Pulling myself back to the point of this post) Oats. Does anyone know how to cook oats so that I don't crave a curry puff after I eat it? Do you cook it with sugar and milk, or salt and butter? Or anything else more exotic?
Someone DHL me a curry puff.
Monday, October 25, 2004
slide 537
.. and i'm done!
This past week I projected 537 slides of songs, 6 pdf files of petitions, 3 powerpoints of proceedings, 17 powerpoints of election results, 2 powerpoints of council reports, 1 winning logo, 4 working files of motions, 8 word and excel files of legislative committee decisions, and one 148-page document of proposed amendments. In addition, I printed and compiled one 32-page book of worship orders and lyrics, 1 document concerning "simple majority", and 4 lists of petitions.
it feels good.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Come, O Thou Traveler Unknown
John Wesley ended his obituary tribute to his brother Charles at the Methodist Conference in 1788: "His least praise was, his talent for poetry: althogh Dr. [Isaac] Watts did not scruple to say that `that single poem, Wrestling Jacob, was worth all the verses he himself had written.'" A little over two weeks after his brother's death, John Wesley tried to teach the hymn at Bolton, but broke down when he came to the lines "my company before is gone, and I am left alone with thee." The poem was first published in the brothers' Hymns and Sacred Poems of 1742, expounding Genesis 32:24-32, influenced by Matthew Henry's exposition.
Come, O Thou Traveler unknown,
whom still I hold, but cannot see!
My company before is gone,
and I am left alone with thee;
with thee all night I mean to stay
and wrestle till the break of day.
I need not tell thee who I am,
my misery and sin declare;
thyself hast called me by my name,
look on thy hands and read it there.
But who, I ask thee, who art thou?
Tell me thy name, and tell me now.
In vain thou strugglest to get free,
I never will unloose my hold;
art thou the man that died for me?
The secret of thy love unfold;
wrestling, I will not let thee go
till I thy name, thy nature know.
Wilt thou not yet to me reveal
thy new, unutterable name?
Tell me, I still beseech thee, tell,
to know it now resolved I am;
wrestling, I will not let thee go,
till I thy name, thy nature know.
'Tis all in vain to hold thy tongue
or touch the hollow of my tigh;
though every sinew be unstrung,
out of my arms shalt not fly;
wrestling I will not let thee go,
till I thy name, thy nature know.
What though my shrinking flesh complain
and murmur to contend so long?
I rise superior to my pain:
when I am weak then I am strong,
and when my all of strength shall fail
I shallith the God-man prevail.
My strength is gone, my nature dies,
I sink beneath thy weighty hand,
faint to revive, and fall to rise;
I fall, and yet by faith I stand;
I stand and will not let thee go
till I thy name, thy nature know.
Yield to me now - for I am weak
but confident in self-despair!
Speak to my heart, in blessing speak,
be conquered by my instant prayer:
speak, or thou never hence shalt move,
and tell me if thy name is Love.
'Tis Love! 'tis Love! thou diedst for me,
I hear thy whisper in my heart.
The morning break, the shadows flee,
pure Universal Love thou art:
to me, to all, thy mercies move-
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
My prayer hath power with God; the grace
unspeakable I now receive;
through faith I see thee face to face,
I see thee face to face, and live!
In vain I have not wept and strove-
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
I know thee, Saviour, who thou art,
Jesus the feeble sinner's friend;
nor wilt thou with the night depart,
but stay and love me to the end:
thy mercies never shall remove,
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
The Sun of Righteousness on me
hath risen with healing in his wings:
withered my nature's strength; from thee
my soul its life and succor brings;
my help is all laid up above;
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
Contented now upon my thigh
I halt, till life's short journey end;
all helplessness, all weakness I
on thee alone for strength depend;
nor have I power from thee to move:
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
Lame as I am, I take the prey,
hell, earth, and sin with ease overcome;
I leap for joy, pursue my way,
and as a bounding hart fly home,
through all eternity to prove
thy nature, and thy name is Love.
Charles Wesley, 1742
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
hmm.
so I am at this Conference right and I have my hp hanging on my lanyard (since I don't have any pockets, since I have to look respectable). When I go to the loo, I don't want the hp hanging into the bowl, so I take the lanyard off and hang it on the toilet roll holder. Only a few minutes later do i realise that my hp is peeping leeringly under the wall into the next cubicle!
Friday, October 15, 2004
defense strategy
I'm gathering and filing numbers like bullets in my arsenal in case of an offensive. It makes me feel very prepared, perhaps like how the Brits felt after they laid out all their cannons and ammunition and waited for the Japs to invade from the South.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
a short one
I've been remarkably busy. The kind of busy-ness that at the end of the day, your tummy feels queasy, and you feel like you would faint if you stood up too quickly. i've only one thing to say -- sleep works wonders.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
craving
a baked potato loaded with butter, sour cream, chives, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. why is it 10:30pm?
Friday, October 08, 2004
placid bully
I woke up late today. Friend msged and woke me up at 8:17am. Luckily my boss isn't coming in to office today, and I stayed at work till 8:15pm yesterday, so I kinda have an excuse.
My friend complained yesterday that I keep telling her what to do. I think that is a bad habit I picked up along the way, but never noticed it till yesterday. The other day at Cold Storage, I told my colleague not to buy 2 regular packs of M&Ms since she decided against the party sized pack (she didn't want to gain weight). I told her that it didn't make sense to get 2 regular packs, cos if you wanted 2 regular packs, you might as well get the large party sized pack, which was cheaper. Bossy eh?
It is terrible how I can be both bossy and placid at the same time. Most times when I go out with my friends, I don't have an opinion about where to go, what to eat, what to do, what movie to watch, etc. But when it comes to little decisions, the bossy twit in me comes out. Sigh.
My resolution:
To display more initiative in my work, relationships, and goals.
To be less bossy about stupid things.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
Monday's To-Do List
- Make a cup of coffee. (done)
- Drink a cup of coffee. (done)
- Write a cryptic one-liner. (done)
- Find missing piece of paper filled with impt info. (done)
- Send the boss updated versions of everything. (done)
- Input 200 songs into powerpoint.
- File piles of paper on table.
- Start to start to plan office Christmas party.
- Watch The Motorcycle Diaries. (whoohoo)
- Procrastinate by writing a to-do list. (done)
Friday, October 01, 2004
gonna boogie till the chickens come home
the subject of this post has nothing to do with the title.
i went running on tuesday and it was pure torture. this petite girl with long flapping hair in a red shirt and short bermudas zipped in front of me. i overtook her at the downhill slope, but she zipped in front of me later on the route. she was a veritable evergizer bunny. how does she run with all that hair anyway? this was my miserable timing.
all the middle-aged housewives and girls were gaga over the Jap hammer gold medalist Murofushi when the Asian Gold medallists visited singapore this week. i say, what is Murofushi compared to 1.52m Noguchi, who ran 42.195km in 2hrs 26mins and 20secs? she is my real hero.
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