is the cloud lifting?

I spent the last four days seething with anger and inertia in my office chair. I got pissed with everything. The director put me in charge of planning the event but after I sent in a proposal to the boss, the boss went back to him instead and he is therefore taking over the planning of the major stuff for the event, leaving me with the crap work (like hanging up balloons and doing backup projection work). Why put me in charge in the first place? I can play my role as invisible office girl sold into cheap servitude very well without having the blame if anything goes wrong, thank you very much.

And so on and so forth. No staff welfare, no advancement, pay freeze, an organisation that give me all the responsibility without the pay - all of it made my blood boil. (What happens when you boil blood anyway? What do you get left when the liquid evaporates? A thought..)

In any case, I'm feeling better today. It makes me wonder about the validity of my emotions, but I'm sure glad to be rid of the cumbersome paralysing burden. Perhaps it is Friday? Gosh that makes me feel so cheap. Perhaps it is the coffee? Who knows? The inscrutable mind..

I would like to write a novel. November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). It's way cool. You start on Nov 1 and finish on Nov 30, hopefully with 50,000 words written. The people at NaNoWriMo say it is quantity that matters, not quality! How cool is that? But I have no plot... Fiction is tough cos you need a plot. I could bull forever on a non-fiction topic, thanks to the premium education I received in college. But fiction? A whole different ball game.

Alternatively, I could write my life story and disguise it as fiction. I would be happy to do that, but I don't think I'm at the point of my life where I'm ready to come to grips with who I am as a person, and "expose" myself to the world. (Then again, who will read it?) I'm a little too old to be uncomfortable with who I am, but what can I do about it? The scary thing is, the older I get, the less I like myself. What a pain. I'm looking forward to being an extremely bitchy 80-year old ah-ma.