i'm such a wimp about letting go of the past. how do people cope with it? by looking forward to something else? i feel as if all enthusiasm for life has gone out of me, and all i want is for the hours and the days and the months to wash over me quickly, so i can get it over and done with.
Monday, August 23, 2004
feeling blue
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6 comments:
hi,
i chanced upon your blog by accident... stumbling through the posts i sense that you don't really wanna be here but have to becos of work/family/church... i was like that too after i came back from uni... i was in melbourne for close to four years and returned cos i thot that's what my parents would want.. the first year was the worst, i too looked back constantly... in total denial... i resented everything almost... at least you have God... i had deserted him in my anger... but you know something? the ache goes away after some time... like that old cliche about time healing all wounds... there's only so much looking back one can do until you start getting a crick in the neck... ;-) so take heart...
why were you angry?
i guess angry becos here is not where i wanted to be... i left all of my friends behind in Oz all of a sudden... and most of those i had known in Singapore before i left for uni had moved on with their lives... so, was caught in a strange situation of having to build up a network of friends from scratch... i kept looking back at all the fun times i had at uni, and the more i did the angrier i became cos i kept comparing the new friends with my old ones... but i've come to terms with it since... made other friends in that time...
btw... hope you won't mind too much... i re-did your peom a little... i like its bittersweet tone...
also added a link back to your blog from mine, if that's ok...
cheers...
i'm glad things are better for you now than when you first came back. I've been back almost 4 years, after 5 years oveseas. It gets better with time, like you say, but I sure do miss having my own place! :)
Do you think you will go back to God one day?
PS thanks for working on my poem. There is a comment after that post.
yeah... it's very hard to give up one's independence... esp. in having to move back under one's parents' roof after fending for ourselves and standing on our own all those years while we were away...
it gets a bit schizophrenic swinging between guilt and resentment... guilt when we assert ourselves and do our own thing... and resentment when we give in to them...
go back to god? i guess so... one day... He's been good and faithful to me even when i have drifted this far...
re: poem... glad you like the changes... was afraid that you may hate it totally... heh heh... i understood what you were trying to get at... even though i don't run, period... let alone run for fun... ;-)
but i do like poetry... have been making up stuff from way back when i was still an angsty teenager...
had very few opportunities to "show off" while i was writing for the papers... but i seized those when they did present themselves... :D
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