Lesson #5: On Freedom and Having Fun

Diabolical. Don’t you love the way that word rolls off the tongue? I think I may have to have that embossed on my name card in the future: The diabolical tyrant. Lovely. It is always important to state your credentials on your business card clearly. If you have twelve alphabets after your name, be sure to print them all! Make sure not to neglect the quality of the paper and printing – use only the finest material, because a name card is the measure of a man.

Anyway, I digress. Today’s quiz question for my readers is this: who do you suppose is truly free, the Christian or the heathen? Put another way, who do you suppose has more fun? You heathens out there will be puzzled by this question because the answer seems obvious to you. You think, of course those who don’t feel like they have to obey a god get more fun out of life. Christians are wet blankets – no cigarettes, no drinking, no fucking around, no cussing, no skimpy clothes, no nothin’ at all. Worse, they keep trying to ruin everyone’s fun by saying that everyone should live by their rule book, just like John the Baptist did to Herod when he told him that he was committing adultery by taking another wife. Christian spoilsports like them end up with their heads on platters.

You Christians shake your head sadly because you know that the heathens just don’t get it. You say, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free” and “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!” Of course these statements sound like self-evident conundrums outside your little society of Christian brethren, but somehow you know that your freedom is the exhilarating freedom from sin – from the things that kill you silently every time you do it – and you know that the heathens are the ones who are really the slaves to their own selfish and awful desires, leading them in a spiralling circle into death and despair. Your Christian fun revolves around strumming guitars, potluck dinners, fundraising for the needy, and knowing that you have found what you call the greatest treasure in the entire world.

Let me offer an answer to the converse question to clarify our thinking on this matter. The people who are the least free and get the least fun in life are neither the Christians nor the heathens, they are the half-hearted Christians who have fallen back. These are the ones who have tasted of the goodness of the Lord and have turned back; yet, try as they might to forget by losing themselves in this world, they cannot forget, and the taste lingers on their tongue forever, like a childhood scent on a blanket. And so, even as they lose themselves in the pleasures of the world, they can never be as happy as the heathen, because that taste keeps coming back, making them want to retch . every . single . time .

These are the truly suffering souls, men and women after my own diabolical heart. Now, ny dear readers, which are you?

Freely freely,
Anthrope
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